Life @ the Intersection | Life Coaching with David Tay » Life Coaching

The Liberating Power of Insight

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 12:25:37 +0000

I am sharing this thought from Thich Nhat Hanh:

“Concentration helps us focus on just one thing. With concentration, the energy of looking becomes more powerful, and insight is possible. Insight always has the power of liberating us. If mindfulness is there, and we know how to keep mindfulness alive, concentration will be there, too. And if we know how to keep concentration alive, insight will also come. The energy of mindfulness enables us to look deeply and gain the insight we need so that transformation is possible.”

How many of us are guilty of encouraging ‘multi-tasking’ – putting it as a virtue to be nurtured in our lives?

I feel that when we ‘multi-task’, our focus is divided and often diluted to the point that we may end up doing all these tasks, mindlessly. And to a certain extent, we pay little attention to the details and often ‘rushed through them’ – mistakenly thinking that by getting them done fast (and all at the same time), we are being efficient.

Though some segments of our work culture puts a premium on such ‘efficiency’, I feel this way of living is quite dysfunctional as it will eventually eat into other areas of our lives. When we are with our loved ones, how often are we truly present in their presence? Not just loved ones but also when we are with others in a meeting or with colleagues at work, do we find ourselves ’somewhere else, and not in the here and now, with them?’ The idea of ‘multi-tasking’ gives the impression that we are paying attention to them and at the same time, able to ‘manage other matters’; but are we really? What is the quality we devote to these numerous tasks? How much insight do we gain when there is a skew towards quantity over quality?

Being able to fulfill many tasks entrusted to us is good but when our concentration is diluted, there is a good chance the quality of work is compromised. And if we do not correct it soon enough, this mindless living becomes a part of us in every areas of our lives. And it would not be a surprise that many of us will live our lives in mediocrity instead of showing excellence in everything we do, and being who we are.

Man is a seed

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 06:33:30 +0000

OSHO shared in one of his talks:

“I laugh when I hear that the fish in the water is thirsty. You don’t grasp the fact that what is most alive of all is inside your own house; and so you walk from one holy city to the next with a confused look! Kabir will tell you the truth: go wherever you like, to Calcutta or Tibet; if you can’t find where your soul is hidden, for you the world will never be real! I don’t know what sort of a God we have been talking about. The caller calls in a loud voice to the holy one at dusk. Why? Surely the holy one is not deaf. He hears the delicate anklets that ring on the feet of an insect as it walks. Go over and over your beads, paint weird designs on your forehead, wear your hair matted, long, and ostentatious, but when deep inside you there is a loaded gun, how can you have God?”

This extract was taken from OSHO:

The fish in the sea is not thirsty – but man is. Man lives in existence, and is absolutely unaware of it. Man is born in existence, breathes in existence, and one day will dissolve in existence. Man is godliness, made of the stuff called God, and yet completely oblivious of the fact.

The fish is not thirsty in the sea – but man is. God is the sea – God surrounds you, within and without. All that is, is divine. God is not a person: God is the presence that is overflowing everywhere in all directions. The radiance, the beauty of existence, the splendors, the majestic, the miraculous, the mysterious – the whole magic of life is godliness.

Godliness has not to be worshipped: godliness has to be lived. And to live godliness you need not go anywhere – you are already in it. To live in godliness you need not cultivate any character. Godliness is already the case. It is your consciousness.

To live godliness you need not become (a follower of any religion) – you are already in it; it is already in you. It is not a question of the future. This very moment godliness is showering on you. But you are closed. It comes, but you don’t receive it. It knocks on your doors, but you don’t listen to it. And it has been knocking for ages.

The old biblical story is: When Adam disobeyed God, he was frightened, obviously. God came in search of him. Afraid, he went behind a bush and hide from God. He was not courageous enough to face him, to encounter him. And the story says God called in the Garden of Eden, ‘Adam, where are you?’

Adam heard it, yet did not respond.

This is not just a story, this is not something that happened in the past: this is what is happening with each of you. Existence calls you – either you don’t hear, or, even if sometimes you hear, you don’t respond. You are hiding! You are hiding from the truth of your own being; you are hiding from yourself. You don’t want to see your original face. Godliness is your original face, and unless you see your original face, you will live in misery.

Misery is nothing but remaining ignorant of one’s own being. To be alert, to be conscious, of all that has been given to you, to be conscious of all that has been bestowed upon you, to be conscious of the treasures that are hidden in your being, is to be blissful.

Man is very strange, the strangest animal on the earth. No other animal lives in such anguish – even trees are far more blissful, even rocks have more of the heart than man. They are in tune with existence, or in tune with totality. Everything knows its place on earth, except Man. Man has lost the connection. Man has broken the bridge.

Know that we (mankind) have everything we want inside us, all we need to do is to look deep within and discover the abundance! Man is a seed – be aware and live this truth…because life is indeed blissful.

Be open minded

Fri, 04 Feb 2011 03:59:48 +0000

What does the term ‘open minded’ really mean? We all hear that to be ‘open minded’ is a good thing, yet we tend to turn the idea of open-mindedness into yet another goal we need to accomplish, as if it is some new self-improvement project, something else that we need to achieve.

Adyashanti shared these thoughts in his book, “Falling into Grace”, and he said:

“Open-mindedness comes naturally as we begin to see the ways that we argue with our experience, with events that are in fact immovable and unchangeable. Of course, the next moment may be very different, but this moment is as it is and any moment in the past is as it was. This is a very simple concept, but it’s very difficult to let in because it’s so contrary to what we’ve been taught. The conventional worldview involves a constant state of evaluation and judgment. We are even praised for being able to debate and judge. We’re constantly saying to ourselves what should and shouldn’t be, what we like and we don’t like. We can open the door and it could be raining, and we might say, ‘Oh gosh! I hate the rain! It shouldn’t be raining! I hate rainy days!’ At that moment, we are in opposition with reality. Reality is simply it is raining; that is what’s real. If we argue with it, if we judge it, then we’re at odds with life. In many unconscious ways we’re taught that if we don’t argue with what is, then somehow we aren’t doing our jobs as human beings.”

But, what is the effect of our constant judgment and evaluation of what was and what is? What effect does this have on us, both individually and collectively? Does it actually lead us to peace? Does it actually lead us to sanity? And most importantly, is it even true? Is it actually true that this moment should be different than it is? Is it actually true that the past should have been different than it was?

Adyashanti added: “When we begin to open our minds, we see that this continuous state of evaluation actually leads to suffering. It is when we clearly see this that we can begin to have the capacity to let it go. When our minds start to open, we’re no longer in a constant state of evaluation and judgment. Naturally, then, our senses open – and we can really see what is before us. Our eyes open in a different way, our hearing opens in a different way, our emotions open, our hearts open to all of existence. We see how judging and condemning actually close our hearts and harden us to the experience of life and others. Open-mindedness allows us to embrace the nature of our experience. This doesn’t mean that we have to like every experience that we have. There are experiences that are painful; there are experiences that are unpleasant. Open-mindedness doesn’t mean that we’re just opening to the good parts of life; it means we’re opening to everything. And this is when we start to discover a type of inner stillness, an inner stability, that vast unchanging expanse that is at the heart of everything.”

My most recent encounter with reality is when I was hit with a cold, sore throat, blocked nose, soreness around my hips and knees, all within the first day of Chinese New Year; a day when I would usually get up early for my morning run and a hearty breakfast to start off the ‘New Year’. I could have argued about the ’shoulds and shouldn’ts’ about falling sick and getting injured, and it wouldn’t have gotten me closer to getting better. I could have whined about not getting enough training and preparation especially with a couple of sporting events coming up in the next few weeks. Instead I chose to embrace fully all that I’d experienced that day – the pains and discomfort, and accepting everything as it is. And when I stopped ‘fighting with what is’, I found myself in a state of being which has a sense of inner peace and calmness in the midst of this ‘turmoil’.

I am resting and letting my body recover fully but I am no longer besieged with the ‘woe is me’ mindset – knowing that by accepting everything as it is, I have allowed my mind to be open to everything that life offers to me, and living it to the fullest.

Free the mind

Wed, 26 Jan 2011 13:37:08 +0000

When it comes to making choices we tend to agonize over every detail of the situation instead of letting them come spontaneously. Somehow we have overlooked intuitions in favor of a more labored (and seemingly logical) process, even though we knew these flashes gave us greater clarity and the ‘knowing’ what to do.

Choice should be a flow. Your body already suggests that this is the natural way to exist. Each cell maintains only enough reserve of food and oxygen to survive for a few seconds. Cells don’t store up energy because they never know what’s coming next. Flexible responses are much more important to survival than hoarding. From one viewpoint, this makes the cells look entirely vulnerable and undefended, yet as fragile as a cell may appear, two billion years of evolution can’t be denied.

Everyone knows how to choose; few know how to let go. It is the letting go of past experiences that we have allowed to define us. And it’s only by letting go of each experience that you make room for the next, allowing ‘fresh water’ to flow into you. The skill of letting go can be learned; once learned, you will enjoy living much more spontaneously.

Deepak Chopra shared these guidelines in helping us to make choices without getting trapped:

Make the most of every experience. Living fully is extolled everywhere in popular culture. What does it mean to fully experience something? Instead of looking for sensory overload that lasts forever, you’ll find that the experiences need to be engaged at the level of meaning and emotion. Meaning is essential. If this moment truly matters to you, you will experience it fully. An experience that touches your heart makes the meaning that much more personal.

Don’t obsess over right and wrong decisions. If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. This isn’t a correct assumption because the universe is flexible – it adapts to every decision you make. Right or wrong are only mental constructs. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.

Stop defending your self-image. Over the years you have built an idealized self-image that you defend as ‘me.’ In this image are packed all the things you want to see as true about yourself; banished from it are all the shameful, guilty, and fear-provoking aspects that would threaten your self-confidence. But the act of banishment creates the chaos of your internal dialogue, and thus your ideal erodes even while you are doing everything to look good about yourself. To really feel good about yourself, renounce your self-image; all self-images have the same pitfall: They keep reminding you of who you were, not who you are. The whole idea of I, me, and mine was erected on memories, and these memories are not really you. If you release yourself from your self-image, you will be free to choose as if for the first time.

Go beyond risks. As long as the future remains unpredictable, every decision involves some level of risk. Risk is mechanical. It implies that there is no intelligence behind the scenes, only a certain number of factors that result in a given outcome. You can go beyond risks by knowing that there is infinite intelligence at work in the hidden dimension of your life. At the level of this intelligence your choices are always supported. The point of looking at risks would be to see if your course of action is reasonable; you wouldn’t rely on risk analysis to override far more important factors, the very factors that are being weighed at the level of deeper awareness. People who can assess their choices at the deeper level of awareness are aligning themselves with infinite intelligence, and thus they have a greater chance for success than does someone who crunches the numbers.

Make no decision when in doubt. It’s hard to let go when you don’t know if you have made the right choice in the first place. Doubt lingers and ties us to the past. It’s important not to make critical decisions when you are in doubt. The universe supports actions once they are begun, which is the same as saying that once you take a direction, you are setting a mechanism in motion that is very hard to reverse.

See the possibilities in whatever happens. It would be much easier to let go of outcomes if every choice turned out well. And why wouldn’t it? In the one reality there are no wrong turns, only new turns. But the ego personality likes things to be connected. Coming in second today is better than coming in third yesterday, and tomorrow I want to come in first. This kind of linear thinking reflects a crude conception of progress. Real growth happens in many dimensions. What happens to you can affect how you think, feel, relate to others, behave in a given situation, fit into your surroundings, perceive the future, or perceive yourself. All these dimensions must evolve in order for you to evolve. Try to see the possibilities in whatever happens. If you don’t get what you expected or wished for, ask yourself, “Where am I supposed to look?” This is a freeing attitude. On some dimension or other, every event in life can be causing one of two things: Either it is good for you, or it is bringing you what you need to look at in order to create good for you.

Find the stream of joy. In your own life there is a stream of joy that is just as elemental and unshakable. A worm knows nothing but itself, so it cannot deviate from the stream of joy. You can disperse your awareness in every direction, and by doing so distract yourself from the stream. You won’t really let go of your self-image and your restless mind until you feel, without question or doubt, a palpable joy in yourself. J. Krishnamurti, a renowned spiritual teacher, made this moving comment: “People don’t realize how important it is to wake up every morning with a song in your heart.” The song stands for a sense of joy in existence, a joy that is free of any good or bad choices. To ask this of yourself is both the simplest thing and the most difficult. But don’t let it slip your mind, no matter how complex your life becomes. Keep before you the vision of freeing your mind, and expect that when you succeed at doing this, you will be greeted by a stream of joy.

Know the mind

Thu, 20 Jan 2011 10:26:12 +0000

I have conversations with my mind daily, and more often than not, the ‘conversations’ are usually ‘battles within’, and these daily ‘battles’ are wreaking havoc in my life. From basic routines to big ticket items like career or life choices, I find myself in a constant ’struggle’ with my mind to do what is right for my life. Fear has a way of roaming the mind at will, creating images of insecurities and impending doom. Depression darkens the mind; anger makes it erupt in uncontrollable turmoil.

The mind appears restless and ‘wild’, and does not seem to be an ‘agreeable’ partner, but at a deeper level, it has complete orderliness where thoughts and impulses flow in harmony with what is right and best for each person. The mind is ‘wild’ because we try to confine and control it. So the key to taming the mind and letting it settle down is to let it be free. How, then, can we set our mind free? We need to understand how it became trapped in the first place. Freedom isn’t a condition you can simply step into by unlocking a door or breaking a set of shackles. The mind is its own shackle, built up from memories of the past to flow in a certain pattern. This conditioned state is ruling the psyche through a jumble of old, outworn experiences and is forcing us to react in the same limited way over and over, robbing us of free choice. And many of us have build an identity around these reactions without knowing that we have chosen to do it; these are a few of the reactions that have tremendous negative effects:

Manipulation is getting what you want by ignoring or harming the desires of others. Manipulators use charm, persuasion, coaxing, trickery, and misdirection. The underlying idea is “I have to fool people to make them give me what I want.” When they are really caught up in their ploys, manipulators even imagine they are doing their victims a favor – after all, who wouldn’t feel good helping out a guy who’s so entertaining? The external signs are: When you aren’t listening to other people, when you ignore what they want, and when you pretend that your desires cost nobody else a price. The presence of a manipulator brings tension, strain, complaints, and conflict to a situation. Solution: Manipulation comes to an end when you stop assuming that your desires are all-important. Then you can reconnect with others and begin to trust that their desires might be aligned with yours. When there is no manipulation, people feel that what they want counts. They trust that you are on their side; you aren’t seen as a performer or salesperson. No one feels that he or she is being fooled.

Control is forcing events and people into your way of doing things. Control is the great mask of insecurity. People who use this behavior are deathly afraid of letting others be who they are, so the controller is constantly making demands that keep others off balance. The external signs of this behavior come from those you are trying to control: They are tense and resistant; they complain of not being listened to; they call you a perfectionist or a demanding boss. Solution: Control begins to end when you admit that your way isn’t automatically the right way. You can tune in to your need for control by catching yourself complaining, blaming, or insisting that no one is right but you, and coming up with one excuse after another to prove that you are without blame yourself. Once you stop controlling them, the people around you begin to breathe easy. They relax and laugh. They feel free to be who they are without looking to you for approval.

Denial is looking past the problem instead of facing it. Psychologists consider denial the most childish of the three behaviors because it is so intimately linked to vulnerability. The person in denial feels helpless to solve problems, the way a young child feels. Fear is linked to denial, and so is a childlike need for love in the face of insecurity. The main external sign is that others don’t depend on you or turn to you when a solution is needed. By pulling your attention out of focus, denial defends with blindness. How can you be accused of failing at something you don’t even see? Solution: You get past denial by facing up to painful truths. Honestly expressing how you feel is the first step. For someone in deep denial, any feeling that makes you think you are unsafe is generally one you have to face. Denial begins to end when you feel focused, alert, and ready to participate despite your fears.

Each of these behaviors tries to prove an impossibility. Manipulation tries to prove that anyone can be made to what you want. Control tries to prove that no one can reject you unless you say so. Denial tries to prove that bad things will go away if you don’t look at them. The truth is that other people can refuse to do what you want, can walk out on you for no good reason, and can cause trouble whether you face it or not. There is no predicting how long any of us will stubbornly try to prove the opposite, but only when we admit the truth does the behavior completely end.

(Lessons & extracts from ‘The Book of Secrets” by Deepak Chopra)

Life is our valuable teacher

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 21:04:18 +0000

When I came across this statement, ‘Life is our valuable teacher’, I asked myself how often do I listen to what life has to say to me. And not just listening but reflecting over it and doing something about the lessons I learned. I acknowledge that most of the times I did listen but just as often I forgot what I learned the next moment; and life, being the patient and understanding teacher will continue to teach me and show me, repeating the lessons till I wake up from my dream state, to take the appropriate actions.

Though many of us may be open to learning about life and its wonders, we tend to seek these lessons ‘outside of us’, thinking that the answers lie somewhere in the sky above or some special book or with someone else; but not often we are aware that everything that we are seeking are already here within us. All we have to do is to be alert, to be conscious of what life has to show to us through all our encounters and experiences, be they painful or pleasant.

Adyashanti shared in one of his teachings:

“Life is full of grace – sometimes it’s wonderful grace, beautiful grace, moments of bliss and happiness and joy, and sometimes it’s fierce grace, like illness, losing a job, losing someone we love, or a divorce. Some people make the greatest leaps in their consciousness when addiction has them on their knees, for example, and they find themselves reaching out for a different way of being. Life itself has a tremendous capacity to show us truth, to wake us up. And yet, many of us avoid this thing called life, even as it is attempting to wake us up. The divine itself is life in motion. The divine is using the situations in our lives to accomplish its own awakening, and many times it takes the difficult situations to wake us up.

The irony is that most human beings spend their lives avoiding painful situations. Not that we are successful, but we are always trying to avoid pain. We have an unconscious belief that our greatest growth in consciousness and awareness comes through beautiful moments. We may, indeed, make great leaps in consciousness through beautiful moments, but I’d say that most people make their greatest leaps in consciousness in the difficult times. This is something a lot of people don’t want to acknowledge – that our greatest difficulties, suffering, and pain are a form of fierce grace. They are potent and important components of our awakening, if we’re ready for them. If we’re ready to turn and face them, we can see and receive the gifts that they have to offer – even if the gifts sometimes feel like they are being forced upon us. Whether the circumstance is illness, the death of a loved one, divorce, addiction, problems at work – it’s important to face our life situations in order to see the inherent gifts that are available.”

I am guilty too, of seeing life from this lopsided perspective that only beautiful moments offer the greatest growth in my consciousness. I had the tendency to revere the pleasant encounters, seeing them as ‘good’, and avoiding the painful ones, defining them as ‘bad’. It didn’t cross my mind that both types of experiences were teaching me things about life, and more so, about who I am. Now I am learning to accept everything that life has to offer, and discovering more of myself through all situations (painful and pleasant ones).

Adyashanti added: “If we are willing to look, we will see that life is always in the process of waking us up. If we are not in harmony with life, if we are working in opposition to it, then it is a rough ride indeed. When we are not willing to see what life is trying to show us, it will keep ramping up the intensity until we are willing to see what we need to see. In this way, life is our greatest ally. It is almost a spiritual cliche to say that life is your greatest teacher.”

Tell the truth

Fri, 07 Jan 2011 02:02:37 +0000

What does it mean to be genuine, to be authentic? Basically it means living a life of truth with ourselves and others.

In Psalm 15 from the Bible, David describes the character of the person who qualifies to be a guest of God, and in verse 2 there is the special mention about being truthful: ‘He who walks with integrity, and works with righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart.’ Also from the Bible, John 8:32 mentioned: ‘..and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.’

Why is it said that the truth shall set you free?

People are punished and ostracized all the time for telling the truth. Lies often succeed. A polite agreement to go along and make no waves has brought money and power to many people. But ‘the truth shall set you free’ wasn’t meant as practical advice. Deepak Chopra said that there’s a spiritual intent behind the words, saying in essence, ‘You cannot set yourself free, but truth can.’ In other words, truth has the power to set aside what is false, and doing so can set us free. The ego’s agenda is to keep itself going. At crucial moments, however, the truth speaks to us; it tells us how things really are, not forever or for all people but right at this moment for us alone. This impulse must be honored if we wish to break free.

These are some examples of flashes of truth: (1) Knowing that you can’t be what someone else wants you to be, no matter how much you love the other person. (2) Knowing that you love, even when it’s scary to say so. (3) Knowing that someone else’s fight isn’t yours. (4) Knowing that you are better than what you appear to be. (5) Knowing that you have to go your own way, no matter what the cost.

Adyashanti shared that many people have a fear of being truthful, of really being honest – not only with others, but with themselves as well. The core of this fear is that most people know intuitively that if they were totally truthful and totally sincere and honest, they would no longer be able to control anybody. We can not control somebody with whom we have been truthful. We can only control people if we tell half-truths, if we shave down what is true. When we tell the total truth, our inside is suddenly on the outside. There’s nothing hidden anymore. For most human beings, being that exposed brings up incredible fear.

Most people walk around thinking, ‘My god, if anybody could look inside of me, if anybody could see what is happening in there, what my fears are, what my doubts are, what my truths are, what I really perceive, they would be horrified.’ Most people are protecting themselves. They are holding a lot of things in. They are not living honest, truthful, and sincere lives, because if they do so, they would have no control.

Most people don’t get out of childhood without having many experiences of being wounded for telling the truth. Someone said, ‘You can’t do that’ or ‘You shouldn’t say that,’ or ‘That wasn’t appropriate.’ As a result, most of us have very deep underlying conditioning that being just who we are is not okay. We have been conditioned to believe that there are times when it is not okay to be truthful and honest. Most human beings actually have an imprinting – not only in their minds, but in their bodies and their emotions – that if they are honest, if they are real, something bad is going to happen. Somebody is not going to like it. They won’t be able to control their environment if they tell the truth.

To speak your truth isn’t the same as bursting out with all the unpleasant things you’ve been too afraid or too polite to say. Such outbursts always have a feeling of pressure and tension behind them; they are grounded in frustration; they carry anger and hurt. The truth that comes from the knower is calm; it doesn’t refer to how anyone else is behaving; it brings clarity to who you are. Value these flashes (of truth). You can’t make them appear, but you can encourage them by being genuine and not letting yourself fall into a persona created just to make you feel safe and accepted.

Truth is a very high standard. Truth is not a plaything. To tell what is true within ourselves is not to tell what we think; it is not to tell our opinion. It is not to dump the garbage can of our mind onto somebody else. All that is illusion, distortion, projection. Truth is not unloading our opinions onto someone. That is not truth. Truth is not telling our beliefs about things. That is not truth. Those are ways that we actually hide from truth.

Truth is much more intimate than that. When we tell the truth, it has a sense of confession. It is not a confession of something bad or wrong, but the sense where we come completely out of hiding. Truth is a simple thing. To speak the truth is to speak from a sense of total and absolute unprotectedness.

If you have been living a life of lies and self-deceit, make the shift now to live your truth.

Get started by: (1) Telling the truth to yourself about yourself; (2) Telling the truth to yourself about another; (3) Telling the truth about yourself to another; (4) Telling the truth about another to that other; and (5) Telling the truth to everyone about everything.

Doing something extra for others

Tue, 30 Nov 2010 21:06:22 +0000

I am aware that we have shared a fair bit about giving, and I feel we can never have enough of this spirit of giving as this simple act of doing something extra for others can go a long way in strengthening our connectivity with everyone.

Buddha said in his teachings: “Giving is the highest expression of the goodwill of the powerful. Even dust, if given in naive ignorance, is a good gift. Because its effect is so great, no gift given in good faith to a worthy recipient is small.” (Jatakamala 3.23)

Buddha taught, on a profound level, what we’ve heard for years; “It’s the thought that counts.” Mind matters. A generous mind always finds something to give.

At the work place, smart bosses know that appreciation is what really motivates employees. The gift of a smile, or a few well-spoken words of praise in public, or a small token of recognition can go a long way to making people feel cared for and acknowledged. More substantial gifts can also be very effective when given in good faith. But be careful; small gifts and trinkets can backfire because they seem condescending and superficial. Gifts must be meaningful to the recipient if they are to be effective. Otherwise, employees see right through them.

Smart employees know that they, too, have the power of giving. Doing a little something extra for the customer engenders loyalty and generates repeat and referral business. Doing something extra for a co-worker is a way of investing in the “interpersonal bank,” so that when you need a favour, you have goodwill to draw on. Giving gifts of attention, concern, and interest are powerful ways to build relationships with one another, and ‘going the extra mile’ builds trust, teamwork, and strong morale.

Kahlil Gibran reaffirms the essence of true giving in one of his teachings: “You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”

Also, the spirit of giving will lose its meaning when we expect something in return for our ‘gifts’, as that would have adulterated it into a mere transaction.

Outside of the workplace, in our daily encounters with people, be they family and friends, the spirit of giving is usually more spontaneous as many of them hold a special place in our lives.

However, I feel that giving is not an act of exclusivity. The sun shines brightly over all creatures, regardless of who we are; the rain pours over all of us, whether we are good or bad; and the earth continues to feed us with her resources, despite our ignorance and selfishness in not giving back.

All of us are social animals, we are constantly in some kind of relationships with others whether by chance or by choice. Be fully conscious of their presence in your life. If you are taking part in a sporting event, see what you can do to support one another during the race, with a word of encouragement or a lending hand or simply being with them all the way. If you are doing your shopping at the malls, be patient with the check-out staff as the queue may have been endless since the start of the day – offer a word of cheer and thanks, I am certain it will be appreciated. If you are on the road taking the public transport, be aware that everyone including the driver wants to have a pleasant ride and get to their destinations safely – acknowledge everyone with your positive energy, I am certain it will be felt by all.

There are many ways we can do to make the day brighter for someone else – just be in touch with the natural goodness in all of us, and let it flow freely.

Live with distractions

Tue, 16 Nov 2010 22:30:57 +0000

Lately I am more aware of the distractions in my life – my head filled with the voices, choices and opinions of others – making me lose contact with my inner guidance, drowning out the still small voice from my soul. However, I have learned to go with the flow, be fully present and embracing all that comes my way, instead of resisting them and going into a denial of the presence of these distractions.

Franz Metcalf shared: We all get distracted by little things. We feel we should be pursuing this or that Big Plan, yet we get swept away in the current of events. (Perhaps this sweeping away is why we call them ‘current’ events.) As the adage goes: ‘Life is what happens to you while you’re making other plans.’

An extract taken from Buddha’s teachings (Record of Yunmen, Pilgrimage Record 284) gave an account of a dialogue between two Zen masters:

Tiantong said: “If you haven’t understood, you get involved in everything around you.” Master Yunmen countered: “If you have understood, you get involved in everything around you!”

This dialogue explore this question of distraction. Tiantong expresses many of our sentiments about distraction being a problem. Yunmen of course knows this is true. But rather than simply agreeing with that important but obvious truth, he counters with something deeper. He says if you have truly understood reality, you still get involved in all the distractions of life because they are truly what life is. Life is lived in the present moment, with all its richness, its blooming, buzzing confusion. If we aren’t involved in the distractions, we aren’t involved at all.

But this doesn’t mean you have to drop the Big Plan. Just remember the Big Plan is made up of little experiences.

It is our responses to the distractions that will make the difference in how we live in the present moment. We can get flustered by them, sending us further into a tailspin that may put us out of alignment with our chosen paths, or we can embrace them fully and learn more about life. Know for certain that how we respond to these distractions reveals a lot about who we are.

Take notice of the daily distractions in your life, but more importantly, keep a log of how you respond to them. These occurrences can be mirrors of great discoveries of who we are in the school of life.

A time for gratitude

Tue, 09 Nov 2010 23:17:12 +0000

If saying ‘Thank You’ is the only expression we can utter for the goodness around us, it would be enough; and it will probably create the momentum for the flow of this abundance in our lives.

Sister Stan shared that “the only essence of gratitude is acceptance of what is. It is amazing how we can miss so much of life when we lose our sensitivity to wonder and awe. When we simply drudge through the days, we may easily miss the daily gifts of life, and lose sense of gratitude. On the other hand, when we awaken to what is within us and around us, when we savour, relish and taste life fresh each day, our heart holds much more gratitude.

If we remember the people who have blessed our life, many of them may be unaware of what they have done. They may have blessed us with their smiles, their loving looks, their affirmations, their stories, their love, their compassion, their concern and their care. When we become aware of the vast goodness around us and the great blessings that abound, we also become aware of our need to bless, with our presence, our goodness, our strengths, our healing, our courage, our vitality.

It is often through tragedies or disasters that we can learn something of life’s priority. It is when we have lost somebody or some great treasure or something we have really valued or some irreplaceable possession that we can reach the realization that life alone is essential. Disasters and tragedies and traumas can be great equalizers, they can give the opportunity for true humility and gratitude to creep in, the gratitude for being alive.”

Take a moment now to reflect over what we have…and be thankful. Being alive is one of them. Put a stop to all the whining and winching about what we do not have…as we have more than enough to live life to the fullest.

Sister Stan added: “Gratitude and greed are mutually exclusive. Greed arises from the belief that we are in control, and that we can control everything, and that anything we have we deserve. Greed is a mindset that tells us we must get and get and get. It is the yearning for more, the push to acquire more, win more, own more, have more. Greed does not know the meaning of enough. Those who lack gratitude’s vision do not possess things, things possess them and that is misery. On the other hand, gratitude flows from a vision of one’s life as a reality received, a gift given freely and spontaneously.”

Many times we forget that there is abundance flowing freely in our lives and we continue to live mindlessly in the darkness of a scarcity mentality. We tend to face life with a sense of entitlement, we made demands, set expectations and create rules regarding what we need to be joyful and happy. This sense of entitlement is one of the major enemies to spiritual growth; it hardens our souls and keeps us from appreciating the gifts we have all been given. There is plenty for all of us – for you and for me – if only we have the eyes to see and the ears to hear and the heart to feel the gifts all around us and within us.

From this perspective, it is up to all of us to live an active life of gratitude.

Sister Stan said: “Gratefulness is not just a feeling. It is not enough to feel grateful – we must think grateful, imagine grateful and act grateful. We cannot simply say ‘Thank You’ and then continue in a demanding, controlling or competitive way. Gratitude is a whole and holy attitude. Gratitude is at the heart of a healthy spirituality. When we are grateful, our lives will begin to change instantly and we will see that we have so much more that we previously realized, even those times when the world would have us think we are poor.”

As we whisper a prayer of thankfulness in our hearts, remember to manifest this gratitude into action.