To really see each other, we have to bother to look
- January 8th, 2010
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An article taken from a magazine written by Sharon Slazberg about the way we relate to one another – hits home for me when I reflect on how often we have a tendency to want to ‘run another person’s life’ because we ‘feel it’s good for them!”
Below are extracts of the article:
“In our daily encounters with people in our lives – how often do we feel a need to be proven right as we look at someone else’s life choices? It is not that they are necessarily doing anything wrong or hurtful, but they may be living in a different way than we have decided they should be living. Or perhaps our advice turns out to be unappreciated or incorrect, and we come face to face with the fact that someone’s happiness does not revolve around us and our fabulous prescience and good sense; instead, it is based on their good sense, or even on sheer good luck. Can we let go of our need to try to dominate people’s lives and our determination of what the correct outcome of their decisions should be?”
“…sometimes kindness takes the form of stepping aside, letting go of our need to be right, and just being happy for someone.”
“…the true benefit is in stepping off of center stage, and experiencing the kindness of delighting in someone else’s good experience.”
And when we relate to one another, how often do we create images of who this person should be, or can we be fully present and see the person for who he/she is?
“Can we ever actually see another person? If we create an ‘other’ out of our projections and associations and ready interpretations, we have made an object of a person – we have taken away their humanity. We have stripped from our consciousness of their sensitivity to pain, their likely wish to feel at home in their bodies and minds, their complexity and intricacy and mutability. If we have lost any recognition of the truth of change in someone, and have fixed them in our mind as ‘good’, ‘bad’ or ‘indifferent’, we’ve lost touch with the living essence of that person. We are dwelling in a worldview of stylized prototypes and distant caricatures, reified images, and often very great loneliness.”
Take notice of our prejudices about another person, and how we do get lost in habitual biases that distort what we’re seeing about our feelings. Learn to see them as they are, not as we project them or assume them to be.
“Paying attention provides the gift of noticing, and the gift of connecting. It provides the gift of seeing a little bit of ourselves in others, and of realizing that we’re not so awfully alone. It allows us to let go of the burden of so much of what we habitually carry with us, and receive the gift of the present moment.”
To genuinely see each other, take the bother to look. Wherever we are, in the streets, in our homes and communities, let go of our projections and pay full attention to one another with loving-kindness.
And when we do, I am certain we will have a better appreciation for the uniqueness in everyone and experience a closer connection with one another.
